Journal 7: Cynthia Flint (This is my lucky number)

Day in and Day out, that name will always be in my head. Honestly, I am not sure why...this name has been in my head for more than a decade. Every time I think of that name I always have that small burst of finding her.

You see, I am/forever will be a Military Brat. One of the pros and cons of being a Military Brat is that you get to see new places and meet new people constantly. I guess I got a rude awakening when I moved away from my hometown, Washington D.C. for the first time. I moved to place in Virginia, new people, new environment and new friends. I started to become shy among people at this age and it would slowly, but surely, progress in my life.

Until, that one day.

I was standing near the busdriver who kept telling me what bus stop I lived nearby. I was startled, frightened, nervous, and speechless. The bus driver seemed hostile and had a short fuse. All of a sudden, a girl said "he lives nearby me, he is in the right bus." I turned around and there she was...with a smile and a few band-aids covering her scars, there she was.

I told her thank you and she decided to sit next to me. I was flattered and honoured to have someone to help me out, I told her my name and she told me hers...Cynthia Flint..
It was ironic that she was in all of my classes and she actually sat next to me in one of the classes. She became an immediate best friend of mine. I remember I kept telling her that I sucked at Mathematics and she decided to be my tutor, on the weekends she would come by my house and help me with the homework and during the weeknights I would go to her house and work on the problems.

Everything started out great, she was not only a great best friend but deep down I knew she had a crush on me and for the first time I had a crush on her as well. All the other kids in the neighbourhood knew that we looked like we liked each other (plus having a girlfriend/boyfriend at the age of 10? crazy right?) everyone knew that she wanted to help me out cos she liked me.

Then, it happened.

One day, I was going to her house to complete my homework. But what I saw was worse...moving vans.
She was moving away from the house to another base in god knows where. She had to say goodbye and she said that she will miss me and try to write letters to my house. I told her, I wouldn't forget about her cos she is the first crush I have ever known and she was pretty much the first everything for me. She was my first kiss.

Well that was over a decade ago...and with the amazing powers of the internetz, I have used many multiple social media websites to try and find her, I've used her name, her ethnicity, I tried many ways. But I still have no dice. Apart of me said that she might be married by now (I mean my age group now does that.) She might live in another part of this world (far away from the United States), or I honestly hope not this one, She might be gone for a long...(passed away)
All I know is that I have had no luck finding this girl for more than ten years...
I have no letters from her, I really suck at Mathematics (I am not even lying to you.), I have nothing to remember her by, I have nothing to actually physically remember her by. All I have is her name, engraved in my mind, forever encased.

Call Me crazy but I still try to find her, I still try to see if I can search for her again.

The reason why I wanted to talk about her in my seventh journal?
Well the number seven is my favourite number. To some, this number might actually be the number of perfection. I honestly agree. However, I see this number as a sign of independence. If you look at the list, 6 and 7 are pretty much in the middle of the number list 1 - 10. I think 7 is the median.

Now to actually answer my own question, I chose this entry is because I think searching for a lost soul is perfect. Cynthia Flint pretty much was the first stepping stone and also the first person to help me realize that life is completely different than toys and video games. She was more than a friend to me. And wherever she is, I wish one day I could find her and thank her for everything she has unintentionally done to me.

I guess you can say...She was my First Love.
Love...Ha!

Journal 6: To The Three Stages of My Youth

Where I am from, You have to go through various educational sections. I know this is common in some other countries, and of course this is nothing new. You have Elementary, Middle, High School, and College/Universities. I know there are more than those but I am just giving you a few examples to justify myself.

I mentioned multiple times that I am in College now, so tonight I wanted to look back at the three stages before College. I wanted to just talk about (or to) Elementary School Me, Middle School Me, and High School Me. Man, time flies.

To Elementary Me; 

You were a reckless kid. Considered to be a hyper and a little spontaneous to your teachers and classmates. Fist fights in the playground and constant incidents with kids, trying to be the king of the playground. You were a real trip. Made a great friend with a kid who hated your guts at first. Ran around the Mall and the neighbourhoods like You owned the place. Playing Video Games whenever You had the chance. A lot of stuff changed when You moved to a new place, I remember saying goodbye. 

I remember you developed a slight sense of shyness when you moved. Until you met a girl who pretty much saved your ass the first few days of a new school year. She pretty much was your first friend, who helped you in your math homework and also introduced you to the kids in the neighbourhood. She pretty much was your first crush, yet the minute things started to be brighter a shade of grey appeared, she moved. I remember it all.

I also remember that you started to become well known and acquainted with the kids in the neighbourhood(s) and you also became the proclaimed king of the playground, You and your brother were the ones who played soccer and would love to show off your skills in front of people. Everyone loved you guys, everyone wanted to be your friends and you welcomed them all. You made a strong friendship with Three Brothers who pretty much enjoyed the same things you did. A strong unity. 

Remember the time where You decided to draw what was in front of the Television? and started to draw crazy superheroes in your room, in your homework, in your report card, and in your textbooks?! You rebellious bastard. No wonder Teachers hated you! You would draw cartoons, scenarios, and story lines in a sheet of an important paper. It's funny all of those important sheets of paper you loved to scribble on, you gave those papers to your Middle School You.

Sadly, after you finished the final grade in Elementary School and was about to enter Junior High (Middle) School, you had to move, leave everybody that you started to know and admire once again. The Fourth or Fifth time you had to move away this time, in a place that would actually alter everything about you.

To Junior High Me;

Welcome to the big leagues! You once again had to start from scratch at least be a little responsible unlike your Elementary self. He thought the world was the oyster, He thought he could be the king of the playground once again. He never expected that there was no playground anymore, and that a new type of challenge awaited. The fact that kids no label others and made fun of social groups and also the fact that hormones became a new issue. When you first walked into the school, you were considered an Outcast, oblivious to what is going on around you. Without friends or anyone to talk to, you started to become the silent type, the shy kid, the kid no one wanted. Your only friend now was your sketchbook and your pencil and You began to draw what you had in your mind.

Of course, you were picked on because you can draw while the other kids who could only draw stick figures, you could make a story up. But lo and behold, a group of kids admired your work and started to become your friends, You felt happy to be with a group of friends who shared your same interests. You started to let them shape who you became. You felt content with what they know and what you could share with them. 

Yes, these were the days where your body changed, where your voice started to get deeper and where you started to get facial hair, I remember. I remember the girl that pretty much became one of the biggest crush in your life. I remember the good times...and also the bad times. Yes I remember what happened to you, what happened to her, what happened to the word "trust." I remember when you left that school You left everyone, even the ones who still stood beside you, you left them far behind. I remember what you did and what you were planning on doing to yourself. I am grateful that you are still here with Me.

To High School Me;

What's funny is that you were at the same High school with your Junior High classmates...for a day. Ha ha. Then you moved to another High school on the opposite side, the rival school. Once again, you get to start from scratch and after the final moments in Junior High, you had a tough act to follow. Already considered an Outcast, you knew it was going to happen so it never phased you. In fact, around this time, everybody welcomed outcasts....so making your status very hypocritical. People wanted to know more about you and you started to make friends faster than your Junior High self. People loved your drawings and of course you started to be rebellious again. 

It has seemed like you started to rekindle the Elementary you, this time more reckless. At this age you know there was no playground to takeover. However, taking over the school would be a good idea. Throughout the four years of being in that school, you made friends with a good portion of the student body and also the teachers. You also kept in contact with the kids from the other school, your friendship grew throughout the city and you knew a good portion of the city. In the later years, You realized that being a social awkward kid would be the worst idea, especially when you are growing up. So You decided to speak in front of large audiences and you decided to participate in events, talk to people and at least share people the world with you. 

You finally graduated, all those years of turmoil and success has finally ended. You picked up your diploma and you also picked up your bags once again. You had to say farewell to everyone once again and leave them behind. This time, you felt happy, content, and I know why.

To Present Me;

Welcome back home, welcome back to where your journey started.